Holy Shit, It's Holy Land

If you want to avoid the crass commercialism of Disneyworld but still want a wholesome family vacation in Florida, why not head to Holy Land, a theme park experience dedicated to discovery of the Bible.

Through the Holy Land experience, you'll journey 2000 years back in time for a day of fun in old-world Jerusalem, where there were no animatronic parades, no product-placement-based rides like Pirates of the Caribbean, and the only giant rodents you saw were signs of impending plague.

No trip to the Solemnest Place on Earth would be complete without family-friendly activities like:

  • A tour through Calvary's Garden Tomb, where you can reflect on your faith in the ambience of a desecrated gravesite.
  • A reflecting pool, where your kids can try their hands at walking on water.
  • Live reenactments of holy events, performed by wannabe actors who couldn't pass the rigorous Mouse House audition standards.
  • The Wilderness Tabernacle, where you can see what it was like to wander around in a barren desert and to flee from slavery and famine.

If you plan to visit, you'll want to make your reservations early, in case of Judgement Day. And don't forget, Holy Land is closed on Sundays.

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