First Universal Church of Kantheism: F.U.C.K.ed up and ready to see God

Turns out your local long-haired pot dealer may not be a lazy, aging hippie after all. He could be a spiritual shaman for The Amsterdam THC Ministry.

This First Universal Church of Kantheism, or F.U.C.K.ed, as it may be called, is based on ancient wisdom, modern science and the enlightening and healing properties of the cannabis sacrament. They believe that by using the fruits of the sacred hemp plant to open our minds, we can enjoy a rich, awakened life, access the deepest regions of our own consciousness and better commune with the divine essence within, say, a really kickin’ Phish Jam.

Raelians: Art is (Extraterrestrial) Life

Like the works of contemporary masters of science fiction L. Ron Hubbard and Douglas Adams, Raelism is a fascinating theoretical explanation of life, the universe and everything that no one possibly takes seriously.

Termed “scientific creationism” or “intelligent design”, the Raelian movement takes big-name concepts of mind, body and spirit, adds a dash of UFO conspiracy theory and combines them into a controversial stew of theology, human history, scientific discovery and little green men.

A World Teacher Moves Districts to Get Tenure

If you want a religion full of benevolent aliens and Christ-like spirits, but Scientology is just not “out there” enough for you, why not follow the teachings of Benjamin Crème?

In the 1970s, Crème, a British painter, began preaching about Maitreya the World Teacher, a messiah who will appear on all the world’s TV stations to telepathically talk about his return to Earth. The Teacher will be accompanied by a celestial posse, The Masters of Wisdom -- a benevolent race of groovy aliens from Venus who will serve custodians of the Divine Plan for the planet. Of course, it’s possible Crème may have misinterpreted the term “custodian,” and instead of a divine plan, we may be in for door-to-door visits from an intergalactic janitorial service.

Unicorns de los Apocalypse

Self-styled deity and Latino cultist, Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda, believes he is both Jesus and the Antichrist -- a concept that he defines as “no longer following Jesus of Nazareth as he lived in the days of the flesh”. Perhaps he needs a better Spanish-to-English dictionary.

In Miami, de Jesus founded Creciendo en Gracia, a movement that reaches dozens of Central and South American nations and aims to create God’s government on earth. Yet, his main assertions make both God and government pretty much irrelevant, as he denies that prayer, the devil, hell, sin or moral or ethical guidelines have any basis in reality.